I Can Dance And I Can Sing

[lokifan_import]

Sorry about the lack of posting! I’ve been extremely stressed lately, and it’s kind of impacting my ability to keep up with things. Nothing immensely serious stressing me, I suppose, it’s just coming at me from a lot of directions: money and a job search, courses and essays, bills to pay, family stuff, fest deadlines... added together, it all messes with me a lot. Shame about the comprehensive fail at NaBloPoMo, and at keeping up with the flist, but I need to handle all this stuff first. I actually had two failure dreams, one after the other, the other night, which almost never happens to me.

One was about my cat Smudge dying because I’d brought him to uni with me and hadn’t taken care of him, which was especially upsetting because my other cat, Rupert, actually had to be put down, very unexpectedly, about a week after I got to uni. I was the only member of the family who didn’t see him first, which I’m still upset about. Nobody made me or anything, but... My dad came home from a conference, and I just think it makes no sense, when I was the one who spent most time with them followed by my mum, and we gave them pills when they needed them. I might not be my mum’s partner but I’m her oldest daughter, and my dad never liked Rupert much at all. I should have seen him and been there.

Anyway. I wrote a much longer version of this post and cried when I got to the Rupert bit. I’m not now, which I think shows improvement in my mental state! Really I just want to say hi and try to purge my angst this way – if I don’t, like most writers I’ll deal through writing, and then my fest fics will go all UNEXPECTED ANGST.

But! I will be fine. See my Bring It On!Xander icon. :)

Love you, guys! *smooches* And there will be filthy porn soon!

Comments

[potteresque_ire]

I think this is the stress season! So no need for apologizing. I have been extraordinarily bad at catching up with fandom myself too. RL should always comes first.

Sorry about Rupert ... and failure dreams often feel as terrible as the real thing. It can really shake someone up, it does to me *pats lokifan and offers chocolate*

Unexpected angst is good. Me = expected angst. I would be all like it's a bright sunny and beautiful day! Let's sharp some knives and kill Harry and/or Draco!! :D

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about Rupert. Take care of rl stuff first, and get back to an even keel.

[hpfan12.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree with stress season. At least you are dealing with RL stress. My life is currently in tatters because it's being neglected for fic-ness. Which means I'm screwed. I'm so sorry about Rupert. It's always hard losing a beloved pet...

[who_la_hoop]

I sympathise about the stress - it seems like everyone's feeling it at the moment. I just got a lovely fest deadline extension though, so I feel a little more relaxed right now on that side of things at least!

Anyway: *sends hugs*

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

*hugs and ♥s*

[(Anonymous)]

Good advice! Thanks for the sympathy, Jae. I think I'm starting to work things out again.

[lokifan]

That was me, obviously!

[lokifan]

Oh, it is the stress season, for sure! My Mum just called me, and she's rushing about getting the house ready for visitors already!

*munches chocolate* Thanks! Yeah, I agree - I so rarely get nightmares, and this one hit me where I live.

Me = expected angst. I would be all like it's a bright sunny and beautiful day! Let's sharp some knives and kill Harry and/or Draco!!

LOL. Unexpected angst is good, I guess! If I wrote without dealing with the sadness, though, it'd be all happy domestic fic what nice classic fluff O WAIT NOW DRACO'S HEART HAS BEEN TORN OUT WATCH HIM WEEP! Except with more punctuation.

[kuri-taichou.livejournal.com]

A bit stressed myself... seems that always happens around the end of the semester. But we'll all get through it together! And hurray for filthy porn!

[mrsbronski.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about your cat :(
I've only ever lost a few mice, but my uncle had a German shepherd I really loved a few years ago. We knew he'd have to be put down because he had bone cancer, then one day I asked if we could go see him and I was told we had "better things to do". We found out the next day they'd had him put down. I was very angry at my Dad for a long time!

And those dreams are horrible... I've had so many exam-screwing-up dreams lately. Although I had a very entertaining dream where parts of my maths practice exam were in some ancient demonic language and I got Wesley to translate it for me. That was... interesting :P

[lokifan]

that always happens around the end of the semester.

Oh so true. THREE ESSAYS in under three weeks. *weeps* But the filthy porn is getting me through. :)

[lokifan]

At least you are dealing with RL stress. My life is currently in tatters because it's being neglected for fic-ness.

OUCH. Well, it'll be December soon and I'll be posting your Buffy/Spike. As the very wise kuri_taichou said, filthy porn will get us through!

Thanks for the sympathy about Rupert, too. I feel a bit silly in a way, mourning for a pet, but then he was part of my immediate family for ten years.

[lokifan]

Awww. *hugs back* The ickle heart is one of my favourite things ever, I should really learn the code.

[lokifan]

Oh, ouch. I'm not surprised you were angry. I'm still kind of angry that I didn't get to go back and see Rupert, and it wasn't nearly that bad. Thanks for your sympathy, I do appreciate it.

Although I had a very entertaining dream where parts of my maths practice exam were in some ancient demonic language and I got Wesley to translate it for me. That was... interesting :P

Heh. I love those dreams! Weird dreams like that are my usual kind, which didn't help the sadface over the icky ones. And I'm sure your GCSEs will be fine! Mine were, if not brilliant, and I discovered fandom halfway through the revision period. I'm sure you can imagine the effect that had. :)

[lokifan]

it seems like everyone's feeling it at the moment.

Very true! I also got a fest extension, and now I'm at the stage of writing as fast as I can so I don't take advantage.

*likes hugs*
*is epic cuddler*
*becomes worryingly cuddly and goes away*