The Dance of the Computer Suite
Mar. 3rd, 2011 11:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I'm currently sitting in my university library waiting for an essay to print. This has given me a wonderful view of one of the most hilarious dances to watch ever: The Dance of the Computer Suite. It's only available to watch every six weeks or so, when a big week for deadlines rolls round. But it is awesome.
You see, there are around one hundred computers in what's quaintly referred to as our "ICT suite". And on Thursday of reading week, with thousands of undergrads needing to print our essays, that is simply not enough.
So you end up with a dozen or so students, looking a bit scruffy and dazed and smelling of sweat and curry, stalking the computers, waiting for one to be free. (They're glaring at me right now. LJ's interface isn't half so recognisable as Facebook but my typing is clearly not-work-related. Seriously, HI BLOND GIRL, YOU ARE LESS THAN TWO FEET AWAY I SEE YOU PEERING.
LOL she's gone.)
So these dozen people wander round, eyeing everyone up, waiting to see who's about to get up and leave their computer free. Semi-regularly they catch sight of someone in the process of logging off and getting up, and then the best part of the dance begins.
You see, we are largely English and we are polite. It's not nice to hover over someone waiting for them to leave, and it's not nice to try to intimidate people with the glare of IT'S MINE, GET YOUR OWN: we are neither hyenas nor Americans. So you get the three or so people who notice in time hovering in a sort of star, five feet or so from the computer that's about to be free. They carefully don't look at each other, because then there'll be some terrible canine hierarchy-establishment-via-eye-contact thing. And besides nobody actually wants to claim the computer explicitly at someone's expense. So they hover until the person using the computer gets up, and then all rush to be first to get a hand on the mouse.
And the others stop like they ran into a wall, and slink faux-casually away.
It is hilarious, if you're not the one dancing it.
It's especially funny if someone rude, or just less British about queuing, arrives: they'll brush through the line of hoverers and say "can I use this next?" Then they stand there, waiting for the person to log off and REFUSING TO MOVE while all the polite people give them the glare of the impotent.
No wonder we all drink so much.
You see, there are around one hundred computers in what's quaintly referred to as our "ICT suite". And on Thursday of reading week, with thousands of undergrads needing to print our essays, that is simply not enough.
So you end up with a dozen or so students, looking a bit scruffy and dazed and smelling of sweat and curry, stalking the computers, waiting for one to be free. (They're glaring at me right now. LJ's interface isn't half so recognisable as Facebook but my typing is clearly not-work-related. Seriously, HI BLOND GIRL, YOU ARE LESS THAN TWO FEET AWAY I SEE YOU PEERING.
LOL she's gone.)
So these dozen people wander round, eyeing everyone up, waiting to see who's about to get up and leave their computer free. Semi-regularly they catch sight of someone in the process of logging off and getting up, and then the best part of the dance begins.
You see, we are largely English and we are polite. It's not nice to hover over someone waiting for them to leave, and it's not nice to try to intimidate people with the glare of IT'S MINE, GET YOUR OWN: we are neither hyenas nor Americans. So you get the three or so people who notice in time hovering in a sort of star, five feet or so from the computer that's about to be free. They carefully don't look at each other, because then there'll be some terrible canine hierarchy-establishment-via-eye-contact thing. And besides nobody actually wants to claim the computer explicitly at someone's expense. So they hover until the person using the computer gets up, and then all rush to be first to get a hand on the mouse.
And the others stop like they ran into a wall, and slink faux-casually away.
It is hilarious, if you're not the one dancing it.
It's especially funny if someone rude, or just less British about queuing, arrives: they'll brush through the line of hoverers and say "can I use this next?" Then they stand there, waiting for the person to log off and REFUSING TO MOVE while all the polite people give them the glare of the impotent.
No wonder we all drink so much.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 11:27 am (UTC)*glomps*
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:22 pm (UTC)*is glomped*
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 11:37 am (UTC)(I am totally the rude American barger.)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 08:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:31 pm (UTC)And while I really like you, I'm not fond of being compared to a hyena. Some Americans are pushy and some are not. Some Brits are polite and some are not. I know you were trying to be funny at the expense of Americans but is that really where you wanted to go?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:46 pm (UTC)I wouldn't describe it as trying to be funny at the expense of Americans, precisely, since it's one line from a post that's meant to be tongue-in-cheek; I mean, it's accurate about what Brit students do, but what we do is very silly!
Also: It's not nice to hover over someone waiting for them to leave, and it's not nice to try to intimidate people with the glare of IT'S MINE, GET YOUR OWN: we are neither hyenas nor Americans
Hyenas: intimidating people with the glare of IT'S MINE, GET YOUR OWN, ie scavengers
Americans: the close hoverers
I mean, I can see you might not be happy about that either, but I wanted to be clear since I wasn't in the post that the idea isn't Americans = hyenas :)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 12:56 pm (UTC)Actually, while I have you here, could you explain why the Brits would push past me for the buses? Was there something I missed? I've been to the UK many times and the bus queues (at least in London) seem to be a free-for-all. Is that normal?
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 01:16 pm (UTC)I think that was London-ness, tbh. The Tube does not foster good manners on public transport in general, because if you wait for there to be space for you you will wait forever. Usually people can behave like people in bus queues (leaving aside buses outside secondary schools ;))
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 06:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:15 pm (UTC)LOL you poor thing. Culture clash! I hate being told off about bus stuff. This driver once had a go at me for putting my fiver done 'rudely' and I spent the whole ride fuming.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-04 08:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-05 01:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 01:13 pm (UTC)That explains a lot, indeed ... ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 01:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 01:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 03:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 03:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 05:16 pm (UTC)Although, it would be funny just to go there and watch, even if you had nothing to do. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:11 pm (UTC)It's v funny to watch, that's definitely true... once you've got access to a printer, anyway. ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 05:56 pm (UTC)(Though this was ten plus years ago, and handwritten essays were not *that* uncommon, so that probably had something to do with it)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:06 pm (UTC)Ah, see we're not allowed to write handwritten essays any more, even if we wanted to!
no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 07:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-03 08:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-04 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-05 01:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-04 12:16 pm (UTC)This is the best description of British-ness ever.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-05 01:30 am (UTC):DDD I am amused by us...
no subject
Date: 2011-03-05 06:02 pm (UTC)APPARENTLY MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND SHERLOCK NOW. AND WEBCOMICS.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-06 09:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-07 12:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-05 06:02 am (UTC)...Especially since it's something that I would never, ever notice. I'm about as subtle as a blow to the head. Really. My natural bluntness and IT'S SO MY TURN RIGHT NOW!-ness is such that other Americans are deeply impressed and/or terrified by it. (Which is part of why I'm an excellent person to ask for help when one has to sort out difficulties with the university. I am never ashamed to ask for directions when relentlessly hunting some poor bastard down, I will interrogate innocent employees, and have no problems terrifying some poor stranger into minioning for me.)
So I'd see someone logging off, stride up and ask if this computer is about to be free, and then be oblivious to the death glares thrown my way. Or wonder what is wrong with all the odd people hovering about and cursing.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-05 08:13 am (UTC)