Nightmare Pairing Pledge

[lokifan_import]

So, it turns out being a week behind on the flist won’t stop me finding your entries and doing terrible things to them. (To whit, writing Dobby/Draco poetry.) mctabby invented a very cool meme. Go play!

Nightmare Pairing Pledge For HP
I, lokifan, do solemnly swear that my favorite character is Narcissa Malfoy and my least favorite character is Forge (they count as one character!). The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper. However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here’s how a Narcissa/Fred/George shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don’t want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Voldemort-wins-and-the-good-guys-become-slaves, I should think.
Who makes the first move: The twins. They make really inappropriate, leery comments at the lady of the house, Lucius snarls and Narcissa sweetly tells him that she’ll deal with the boys.
Positions and/or kinks: D/s; collars and leashes; twins, obviously. Freckled cocks.
Afterglow: Narcissa smirks and says that perhaps she’s found how they can be of use. Fred and George smirk at this, that they’ll be servicing this very beautiful woman, maybe getting to fuck Lucius Malfoy’s wife. Narcissa smiles at them, puts on a sheer dressing gown, leaves - and comes back with Rodolphus Lestrange and Fenrir Greyback. “They're terribly useful... have fun.”
Would I actually read or write this? Yes. Because Narcissa putting the smackdown on those little bastards would make me happy, especially if Lucius came in halfway through. And my equally-favourite character - more-favourite, most days, but I’m feelin’ Narcissa right now - is Draco, and I’ve read Fred/Draco/George. And loved it. Yes, even though it was dub-con and they made Draco cry. *is sadistic fan*

Comments

[lokifan]

The twins are NOT awesome! They're 'jesters' all right, but jesters are supposed to mock the king, or whoever's in power. The twins mocked those lacking in power. They booed an ickle firstie who'd just been sorted into Slytherin! They made fun of a younger kid (Draco) who was scared of Dementors! They NEARLY KILLED MONTAGUE BECAUSE HE DARED TO TAKE HOUSE POINTS! They are horrible little would-be anarchists who deserve no admiration at all!!!

*breathes*

I'd be expecting hardcore D/s and S&M and bloodplay and all that good sick stuff.

Maybe, but I'd write Narcissa as being all about D/s, but really subtly, and making them think they wanted to service her. Also, she wouldn't let them come. *cackles*

*ducks brick* Okay, okay, damnit. Happy ending.

[koishii-hime.livejournal.com]

Hm. I don't remember all that. Considering the last thing I remember about the twins was them joking around after becoming Harry Potters and George's missing ear and dead Fred, I still like them. 8D
'Sides, they're pretty in the movie. x)

XDDD! Hm. That does seem more elegant and lady-like.
Torture devices are still needed, though. Maybe just for restraint. 8D Like an open Iron Maiden! Or something.

: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD YOU HAVE TO MEAN IT. <3

[lokifan]

Hm. I don't remember all that.

LOL. Yes, I have the memory of an elephant and the body of one but only as far as books and poetry go! And they are pretty, I have to admit.

That does seem more elegant and lady-like.
Torture devices are still needed, though. Maybe just for restraint. 8D Like an open Iron Maiden! Or something.

Yes, Narcissa would be elegant and ladylike as she topped the twins! Unlike crazy Bella. Look at you pretending to be coy with the torture devices! You're all "nasty Becky" but you want an Iron Maiden involved?!

Btw, there would be nasty cockrings. :D

And - er - I hate to destroy a happyface that happy, but the fic I'm writing now has a Draco who ends the fic... somewhat less than pleased. But I write happy endings sometimes!

[koishii-hime.livejournal.com]

XDDD You are indeed awesome. :D Very pretty. Movie!Forge are more fun.

TORTURE DEVICES ARE PRACTICALLY SYNONYMOUS WITH MALFOY. D: 'sides, open Iron Maidens do nothing. D< Nasty cockrings do. D: HOW NASTY ARE WE TALKING AGAIN?

DDDD: YOU'RE WORSE THAN ROWLING. As long as he doesn't have hairloss. D: I MEAN. HOW COULD YOU GIVE HIM HAIRLOSS. LOOK AT FREAKING LUCIUS. MAKES NO SENSE GENETICALLY WHATSOEVER. XD

[lokifan]

The cockrings wouldn't be too nasty. No permanent damage... but tight enough to hurt and she'd make them wank for her benefit, knowing they wouldn't be allowed to come. :D

And there will be no hair loss! I actually have a whole theory about that, considering how important hair is in the Potterverse. She wanted to make him impotent, and it's one of those visual jokes she's into. *glares and hugs Draco* He is still attractive!! The Draco fangirls shall not be thwarted!

Male pattern baldness is descended through the female line, though: Cissy's father would have been thinning on top, too.